Luke Treat

Lucas Treat: The truth about the Celtics

In Columns, NBA on June 16, 2010 at 2:26 am

Cheers, Lakers.

Thank you for making the Boston Celtics look like the Indiana Pacers. No, really, thank you. No sarcasm.

More after the jump…

This series has been soap opera-esque. Whilst you digest that last line allow me to elaborate: all previous games mean nothing, the players in this series are suffering from Amnesia. Ray Allen does his best Larry Bird impersonation by setting an NBA Finals record for 3-pointers. Derek Fisher seemingly puts on Kobe’s jersey in the fourth quarter. The pre-adolescent rhino (Big Baby Davis) and Nate “I’m going to be somebody’s starting point guard next year, damnit” Robinson prove too much for the Lakers. And then we have, “The Truth” Paul Pierce and company with a relentless pursuit to shut up all naysayers en route to a Celtics win.

The only “Truth” about the Celtics this series is they win when, pardon my French, poop hits the ceiling. The “Truth” is, the Celtics need the perpetual, canned drama of Wife Swap in order to win. That’s why they looked like a boring team from Indiana, (sorry Reggie Miller), against the Lakers.

They could have won. Could have. But what fun would that be? We haven’t had an NBA Finals stretch to seven games since the Pistons-Spurs series of 2005. Even then it was declared as the most boring series in recent memory, since either team rarely reached the 100 point plateau. The MVP of that series was Tim Duncan… Tim Duncan! The Roger Maris of superstar basketball players: the guy has the personality of Harrison Ford.

In game four, Big Baby and Nate Robinson said they played like Donkey and Shrek. The Evil Lord Farquaad must have locked away the loveable duo in game six, as the Celtics bench couldn’t find a bucket through three quarters. On the flip-side, The Lakers bench went 20-30 scoring 27 points. Poor Princess Fiona.

When I was a wee little lad; well that’s not right, I was 100 lbs. by the third grade… When I was younger than I am now, my youth league basketball coaches preached the importance of making free throws. The Celtics must have made the jump from youth league to AAU basketball as they only could muster 60% from the free throw line. The Lakers meanwhile shot 89%.

You can’t tell me you didn’t see this coming. This was a trend throughout the contest. The Lakers put up 28 points in the first quarter, while the Celtics scored 31 points in the first half. Thus, the Lakers went back to the locker room at half time enjoying a 20 point lead.

The Lakers Achilles heel for the last couple games have been points in the paint, and shooting out of the gates in the second half the C’s went for the jugular. Too bad they couldn’t make a lay up against a Canadian middle school team.

Back in Boston, police officials prepared for a riot that never was. Heavily armored trucks and officers armed with enough clubs that would challenge the heart of the Orioles line-up, Celtics fans meandered home seemingly with the thought this game didn’t matter. This game was a throw-away; the transposed mother hadn’t even set the new ridiculous household rules that every family throws a complete fit about (which makes for some superb entertainment.)

Sure the Celtics could have wrapped up the series tonight. Absolutely, KG, “The Truth” (rather “The Truf”), and Rondo could have fast breaked all game making Jack Nicholson look like he was at Wimbledon instead of the Staples Center. You’re right; the Celtics bench could have been more effective and motivated a filthy Boston riot, with a couple Bostonians’ temporarily losing vision and motor skills (okay, that’s every night). But that wouldn’t be “Truthful” to Boston lore.

The “Truth” is the Celtics crave the spotlight, the rivalry, and the dramaturgy. That’s why they will win, in Los Angeles, in game seven.

Their backs are against the wall. The Lakers think they have another piece of hardware in the bag. And that’s just where the Celtics want them.

  1. Best Article Yet!!!!! Splendid!!!

  2. I enjoyed this very much. I think you’re spot on but I hope wrong about game 7.

  3. Harrison Ford? Really? He smiles once in a while.
    Good article.
    Look at the bright side…going to seven games gives you more material for your blog!

  4. Meh. Maybe I carried that one a bit too far.

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